What would you do?

What would you do if you just discovered you had one day left to live? Would you change something in your attitude? in your behavior? in your heart? Are there people you would call up to apologize to? Who and what will you make peace with? Will the truth suddenly hit you on the head? The truth that had been staring you in the face for years but to which your eyes had remained blind? Will you realize the triviality of what you thought were problems in your life? Will you acknowledge that you spent your life holding unnecessary grudges that turned you into a bitter, selfish human being? Will it suddenly dawn on you that you spent the better part of your life feeding your brain negative, destructive thoughts about yourself and those around you just because you were too stubborn and proud? Too proud to ask someone the questions that scare you because your immaturity prevents you from understanding the answer? Too proud to admit that you wronged someone without hearing what they have to say first? Because your freedom to think and form judgments had become seriously impaired by inexplicable hatred, jealousy and self-loathing? Too proud to say sorry to the closest of people in your life? Too stubborn to accept other people for who they are, and because other people can also be right and not only you?

What would you do if you suddenly discovered that your child has a serious disease that could take away their life? Would you continue to fight over petty things? Would you still take the people who care for you for granted? Would you still hate on other people and pick fights with them over the imaginary scenarios that you will fill your head with? Would you still hold on to your misconceptions and keep peeking over that fence at your neighbor’s grass? Would ANY of that really matter?

If life teaches us anything, it’s that it’s fragile. It can change in the blink of an eye forever. You could lose your life or people you love just like that. In a simple blink of the eye. So next time you sit down with yourself at night, try to ponder all this. First, count the blessings that make your life worth waking up for every morning. Second, thank God for those blessings whether they come in the form of wonderful people that love you no matter what, or in the form of good health, food on your table and a roof over your head. But most importantly, pray. Pray for God to guide you back to the light, to show you the way, to wash your heart and mind from all that is weighing them down. Pray for health and love. But most importantly, pray for a heart that forgives and loves. Because if you have everything in the world but do not have a good heart, then perhaps you have nothing at all.

Do you want to wait for all that to suddenly happen to you before you snap out of it? Life is too short. Really short.

On turning 40

 

There are things you come to realize once you’ve hit 40. Don’t ask me why 40. It’s not about the number really. I’m sure it’s a process that starts some time before 40. Maybe in your third decade of existence when you would be accumulating experience, knowledge, maturity, and supposedly, wisdom.

I believe that this process culminates by the time you hit 40. An age that marks the beginning of a new decade. You’re half way through your life by then and I think this realization brings with it a sort of enlightenment that is the natural outcome of those experiences you’ve been through in previous years.

I must admit that the second half of my thirties was such a weird and unexpected journey. 

I learned that it sucks to live apart from your friends and people you love on a daily basis. It sucks not to get to interact with them in person as you would if you lived in the same country or on the same side of the globe.

I learned that with some people the chemistry just doesn’t work. That regardless how hard you try, it won’t come naturally and it will always feel forced and fake. And that it’s okay to not try anymore. 

I learned that the worst mistake ever is to expect others to treat you like you treat them. I also learned that the way they treat you is often a reflection of who they are and how they feel about themselves rather than how they feel about you.

I learned that trying hard to please others is a guaranteed recipe for misery, and that loving yourself and putting yourself first is the best service you can do to yourself and the people you love.

I learned that life keeps throwing curve balls at you. That your curve ball will seem like the biggest and worst thing ever. Until you hear what shittier curve balls your friends have been going through themselves. 

I learned that NOT becoming a mother is NOT the end of the world. People and society should stop acting like it is, because really, it’s not. It might suck, granted. It might leave you feeling like a loser who does not fit in. It might leave you questioning your place in life and force you to find alternatives. I believe this is a good thing, alternatives. I believe there is worse shit than not becoming a parent. I learned to think of it as a cloud with a silver lining. So why should I stay
focused on the rain that this cloud brings instead of the rainbow that comes after the rain? Cheesy, I know but I’ve experienced it first hand and it is true.

I learned that even in your late 30’s you haven’t fully discovered yourself and that the best discoveries about oneself are perhaps the ones that are born from adversity and hardships

I learned that gratefulness brings happiness and not the other way around. I learned that counting one’s blessings, enjoying what you have, and giving others hope and light is the greatest gift of all.

I learned that doing something with passion and drive is contagious and inspiring. 
I learned that things are never perfect, that I am not perfect. Nobody is. And that my job is not to fix it, but to acknowledge and embrace things however they are.

I learned that nothing is actually the way it seems and that the learning never ends until you rest peacefully ever after.

Hazelnut

 

I left my heart somewhere in Prague

My husband and I spent  a few days in Prague for the holidays. I was keen on seeing it clad in its spectacular Christmas ambiance. We both came back in awe at the beauty of this vibrant city. A feast for the eyes and all your senses. Charming cobblestone alleys, colorful shop windows, little bakeries around the corner, the famous Bohemia crystal shops, busy restaurants and crowded bars…Basically everything you love in a city, you can find it in Prague. When I travel, I usually do not go crazy over sightseeing. Don’t get me wrong, I make it a point to see the emblematic monuments and attractions of the countries I visit, albeit sometimes accidentally (LOL). But I am not the kind of enthusiast tourist who would stand in a very long line just to get inside some huge historical building, castle or palace. I’m happy admiring it from outside. I find this more interesting anyway. My kind of tourism (and luckily my husband is the same) is just wandering around and accidentally falling on a nice restaurant in some hidden street, or an old shop with a nice old shop keeper with a funny accent who pretends to know where my country is on the map. I love walking aimlessly, I like discovering things on my own without feeling the pressure of doing or seeing what the tourists usually see and do. I love when I am lured into a cafe by the smell of the brewing coffee.. I love it when we squeeze into a crowded bar to grab a local beer and I love to guess where the people at each table are coming from, what language they speak and what they are talking about if it happens to be a language in which I can pick up a word or two, of course to my husband’s dismay!

Prague has all this to offer and more. Prague is also a city of class, culture and art. I know very little about art, but I love music and theater. While in Prague, we went to a concert by the Philharmonic Orchestra of Prague. It was my first time watching a classical music concert, because growing up I always thought this was boring and not cool (stupid, reckless youth!). I have to say that the minute the musicians started playing, I felt like this was surreal. I had goosebumps all over and I kept thinking to myself how embarrassing it would be to start crying, simply because the music is out of this world and because you are so moved, you can’t hold in your tears. That night was just indescribable, and the setting made it even more so. The building was the municipal hall. The outside of it is drop dead gorgeous, and the inside was not overly glamorous, but just the perfect setting for the musical masterpieces that the orchestra played so masterfully… Bliss!

Here are some pictures I took with my smart phone – of course because neither of us bothered with a real camera!. They do not do the beauty of this city justice, but they still capture some of what I am talking about.

Happy reading!

Charles Bridge

Adorable bookshop

Bakery and Cafe – Isn’t it cute?

View from the top – Just amazing

Christmas Tree – Old town square

Handmade toys

Flower shop (because I love them!)

Halt! You’re trespassing!

Certain battles in life are only yours to fight. More often than not, they are not yours by choice. They just happened to catch you off guard. And the only option you were left with is fight it. So you summon all your courage (which usually you think you lack), and you put on a brave face, and in a fleeting moment of triumph, you believe that you have all it takes to win this. Along the way, obstacles emerge out of nowhere in an attempt to discourage and defeat you, but somehow, you manage. You hold on tight despite the emotional roller coaster. You fight the battle AND your demons in the process. And boy do you learn! About yourself, about others, about life’s twists and turns, about fate, etc. You marvel at your hidden strengths but at the same time are appalled and embarrassed by your weaknesses and faults…

And in the end, even if you do not win the battle, you’d know that you fought tooth and nail, you gave it your best, and you find comfort in the lessons it taught you. Perhaps the most important lesson is one in patience and resilience…. Anyway, all this is to say that despite the battle being your own to fight, some people think they can lecture and preach you about it. Each one has an interestingly silly and irrelevant opinion to share with you, because THEY know better, because THEY know how you feel or what you are going through.

In this country, the general culture (or the lack thereof) is for everybody to stick their nose in your business, to ask you inappropriate questions I would not ask my best friend and to bestow upon you their “wisest” yet unsolicited pieces of advice, just because they know what’s up. Boundaries are an unheard of concept in our culture. Privacy is a frowned upon luxury that could earn you the reputation of being a snob. By nature, I am not an extremely private person. I am outgoing and easy to be approached. Curse or blessing, that’s debatable. The bottom line is that certain things in life are private business. Any person with a sound sense of judgement must know better than to cross certain boundaries. Because very often, behind the brave face, the gracious smile and the friendly voice, someone might be fighting a battle you know nothing about, a battle that is only theirs to fight. Stop trespassing and just let them be, will you?

 

Madam at the beach…

Madam sports the tiniest Brazilian bikini. Never mind that her boobs are about to pop out of her bra top. Her lips are so inflated she won’t need a life jacket if she drowns at sea. She walks around proudly in her high heel sandals and gives orders to her kids (these creatures she popped accidentally one infamous day) who are in the care of the miserable “bonne” who has to be dressed like she is going skiing but has to bake in the scorching sun all day by a pool she is not allowed to swim in just because madam has yet to achieve a sun tan that qualifies as first degree burn. But hey, madam loves her kids. Except that she loves her stupid Botox-ed lips/face and tanned sexy bod slightly more. That’s no crime!